Just to make it clear, I'm not a born flirt. When a guy starts flirting with me and if I find him interesting, I turn like a stone, heart beats fast, and I have a difficulty in breathing. I often don't look straight in the eye too. It's like I'm having an episode of my usual anxiety attack. Why? Because I don't know how to flirt back like you outies usually do. I find the situation surprising and overwhelming. So what I usually do is I look like I don't notice him flirting--more like apathetic to the situation. That's why I'm having a difficulty in dating!
But it is totally different if the guy is not my type. I can be upfront or get sarcastic, or just make an excuse so I could leave the scene. I know it's bad. But what can I do, he's just not my type. If I get too nice, it will send him the wrong signal. Believe me, I've been too kind to almost every guy friends/acquaintances I'm with and it sent the wrong message to them so they were hitting on me, which is not cool. So I'm still learning not to be too nice.
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| photo grabbed from www.mrwallpaper.com |
I caught myself asking people how to flirt back because, obviously, the guy that I like didn't get any feedback from me through his flirting ways. Of course, they've been telling me to be touchy or say something flirty, which I can't do. It's really not me and I think it will turn out awkward. Then I reflected on it for weeks and concluded that I do flirt, but in a very subtle way that you outies (extroverts) won't notice. And some even say it's more like a friendzoned way.
My way of flirting is to know the person with more depth by inviting him to something or join a social activity. The presence of the people that I know or trust helps me loosen up, which will show his real personality in return (which is my real intention in the first place). But, as usual, I get rejected maybe because they don't want to socialize while being with me and with some friends, or they are not interested at all. I don't know. So when my invitation gets rejected, I walk away and pretend nothing happened. Innies are very good in keeping their true emotions to themselves. We get hurt a lot, you know, but we don't show it. We usually have a poker face, and so they think that we're strong, but it's really killing us inside.
Besides inviting the guy that I like, I also remind him of the things he mentioned in the past, that usually surprises him. Innies are known to be great listeners, and when I'm way interested with that particular person, I remember almost every single word that he says.
I also bring trinkets or food that he likes whenever we meet, but I always make an excuse that I have extra servings/stock of it so I thought of bringing some along, et cetera, making it subtle and not being too flirty, because I hate being flirty. It disgusts me. But, of course, I still get misunderstood.
Friends do ask why I do such acts if I know deep inside that it will never occur to the guy that I'm flirting with him. Well, it's simply the way I am. I don't express much of my feelings with that particular person at this stage. But when I've reached that level of comfort and trust in him, that's when I'll be expressing myself entirely.
Just a piece of advice to all outies who are interested with innies, just ask them out and stop beating around the bush because it will keep us thinking what your real intention is. We appreciate people who are upfront.
Sigh. I guess it will be a lifetime struggle for me when it comes to dating. Wish me luck!
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