Flirts In A Different Way

Just to make it clear, I'm not a born flirt.  When a guy starts flirting with me and if I find him interesting, I turn like a stone, heart beats fast, and I have a difficulty in breathing.  I often don't look straight in the eye too.  It's like I'm having an episode of my usual anxiety attack.  Why?  Because I don't know how to flirt back like you outies usually do.  I find the situation surprising and overwhelming.  So what I usually do is I look like I don't notice him flirting--more like apathetic to the situation.  That's why I'm having a difficulty in dating!

But it is totally different if the guy is not my type.  I can be upfront or get sarcastic, or just make an excuse so I could leave the scene.  I know it's bad.  But what can I do, he's just not my type.  If I get too nice, it will send him the wrong signal.  Believe me, I've been too kind to almost every guy friends/acquaintances I'm with and it sent the wrong message to them so they were hitting on me, which is not cool.  So I'm still learning not to be too nice.

photo grabbed from www.mrwallpaper.com

I caught myself asking people how to flirt back because, obviously, the guy that I like didn't get any feedback from me through his flirting ways.  Of course, they've been telling me to be touchy or say something flirty, which I can't do.  It's really not me and I think it will turn out awkward.  Then I reflected on it for weeks and concluded that I do flirt, but in a very subtle way that you outies (extroverts) won't notice.  And some even say it's more like a friendzoned way.

My way of flirting is to know the person with more depth by inviting him to something or join a social activity.  The presence of the people that I know or trust helps me loosen up, which will show his real personality in return (which is my real intention in the first place).  But, as usual, I get rejected maybe because they don't want to socialize while being with me and with some friends, or they are not interested at all.  I don't know.  So when my invitation gets rejected, I walk away and pretend nothing happened.  Innies are very good in keeping their true emotions to themselves.  We get hurt a lot, you know, but we don't show it.  We usually have a poker face, and so they think that we're strong, but it's really killing us inside.

Besides inviting the guy that I like, I also remind him of the things he mentioned in the past, that usually surprises him.  Innies are known to be great listeners, and when I'm way interested with that particular person, I remember almost every single word that he says.

I also bring trinkets or food that he likes whenever we meet, but I always make an excuse that I have extra servings/stock of it so I thought of bringing some along, et cetera, making it subtle and not being too flirty, because I hate being flirty.  It disgusts me.  But, of course, I still get misunderstood.

Friends do ask why I do such acts if I know deep inside that it will never occur to the guy that I'm flirting with him.  Well, it's simply the way I am.  I don't express much of my feelings with that particular person at this stage.  But when I've reached that level of comfort and trust in him, that's when I'll be expressing myself entirely.

Just a piece of advice to all outies who are interested with innies, just ask them out and stop beating around the bush because it will keep us thinking what your real intention is.  We appreciate people who are upfront.

Sigh.  I guess it will be a lifetime struggle for me when it comes to dating.  Wish me luck!

Speaking Out

Reading a book about the advantage of being an introvert and how to thrive in an extroverted world made me understand myself more.  Often misunderstood by the people around me, a friend suggested that I should come up with a personal blog that speaks my mind since I've been blogging about travel and other stuff.  I thought over it for days and I realized that that is a great idea.  It will help me speak my mind without people (extroverts) judging me instantly, shutting me out by not hearing my thoughts entirely.  Well, it's just too exhausting explaining myself to people, which, by the way, is a characteristic of a normal 'innie,' so I just let go and let them think what they want to think of me.  And since I've been dealing with anxiety attacks for years, I guess this is a great way of overcoming it with people reading what's in my mind and not just writing all these things that I think and rationalize inside my head over a journal.

This blog is my way of coming out of my shell but at the same time staying anonymous because I still fear of people misjudging me.  For now, I'd like to stay mysterious.  And I'm sure that a lot of innies out there can relate to all the stuff that I'll be posting soon, most of which will be rants because of the way I am often misunderstood.  So expect extreme cursing.  Lol.



By the way, I'm Innie Bellini.  Obviously, it's not my real name.  But I'd like you to know that I:

• keep energy inside, so I tend to be mysterious to most people.
• am always absorbed in thought, so I zone out most of the time.
• hesitate before I speak because of fear of being misunderstood or people won't find my thoughts interesting.
• avoid crowds and see quiet, but don't get me wrong, I love going to concerts and other crowded areas like gigs because it's the way it's supposed to be.  But if it's crowded in malls, parks or wherever, I loathe it.  I get drained, nauseated.  So sitting for 10 minutes will do the trick to regain my energy.
• lose sight of what others are doing.
• cautiously proceed in meeting people and participate only in selected activities that interests me and which I find logical.
• offer ideas if only people asks for it.
• get agitated without enough time alone or undisturbed.
• reflect and act in a careful way, you know, being doubtful, thinking of your intentions.
• don't show much facial expression or reaction, not unless if we're really tight.
• like to listen more than talk, so innies are more of writers/bloggers because it doesn't exhaust them to speak their minds when writing.
• tend to notice details many people don't see.
• easily remember details you say, but I'm totally bad with names and titles (songs, movies, etc).
• can feel tension in the air, whatever that may be, but I won't talk about it.
• do what I say.  Enough said.
• feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project.
• zone out if there's too much going on.  It's exhausting, you know.
• watch an activity first before I decide on joining it.
• form lasting relationships because I LISTEN and REFLECT before I speak.
• find it overwhelming when there are too much information, so it will take me awhile to sort it out.
• love roller coasters or anything that is thrilling.  It's the extrovert side of me.
• am creative and imaginative.  Very.  
• prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others.
• often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings, so I tend to hide, go somewhere that no one can notice.
• like people to come to my home but I don't like them to stay too long.  It's exhausting playing the host, you know.
• find myself going blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly.
• don't think of casual acquaintances as friends.
• feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated.
• often get surprised when other people thinks that I am smarter than I think I am.

Now to the fun part, let this blog roll.


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